An End To Escape?

My mother has had two heated disputes with my dance teacher due to her rudeness to my younger sister. She has never bothered me and our student-teacher relationship has always been great. It's a different kettle of fish for my sister, however, and her exam is little more than 2 weeks away. The two arguments have left a dormant volcano on the verge of eruption and my absence from classes due to exams and frequent lateness due to my mother not being able to come out of the traffic jams in town will cause that eruption.

To think of not having ballet twice a week is a very strange concept. It's become something like brushing teeth, it's something you just do. The fact that my last year includes my last show makes this all the more...inconvenient? I don't know how to describe it. Anyway, the shows are always a highlight for me. The atmosphere backstage is so high spirited and highly sprung, girls running around with minimal clothing freaking out that the ribbons are ripped or there's a hole in their tutus. Then when everyone is actually on the stage, the lights are like sauna heat and the white squares and circles of people's glasses reflecting in the lights when you look out to everyone. It's such an experience - I just love it and that's not even mentioning the dancing. But, I won't go on about that because I don't know if my sister and I will get chucked out but the way things are now, it looks like it's a dead end.

Escape

Having done four exams out of five, the pressure has eased off a little. However, the worry of how well I've done has born a new anxiety.

I have done ballet for 13 years and I have a true passion for it. I used to want to take it professionally but I decided against it. I didn't have the right type of drive for it. It's always been something that can pull me away from reality for a few hours.

So, tonight I got to escape and cocoon myself in the music. This is my last year at my ballet school. I'll enjoy it while I can. It's a last year for a lot of things.

1 Down, 4 To Go.

My English exam was today and is now finally over. I (hopefully) don't have to do it ever again. I love English but doing it for school is a bit of a slog. I do English for pleasure, hence my blog and numerous poems and my ongoing novel which has been put on hold for about 2 years due to school. I don't think I can bring myself to repeat the course again if I have to. I need an 'A' in either Maths or English. Ultimately, I want an A in everything but because my nerves take over and tend to do silly things in the exam, I don't always meet the standards of an A.

The past paper I did for Maths today was good. I counted up my marks and realised that the percentage of 77 meant an A. I re-counted and re-counted again, yep still 77%. Wow, I got an A! After proving to myself that I could definitely work out the percentage right and that I trusted myself that I wasn't being delusional, I finally accepted the fact that it is possible for me to get an A. Let's just hope it's like that in the actual exam. Oh, what I'd do to get that trivial sheet of paper with the printed As and Bs down the column. That's why I'm working my bum off.

For English, I had been so worked up about it. Plus the fact that it was the first final exam of the year. It has got to the point now where I just had to give myself a bit of a shake. I worked to the best of my ability the whole year and in the exam, I studied religiously and worrying about it won't do any favors. I now have the frame of mind that I did my best and that is all I can do. I will be happy with any result I get for English because I know, within myself, that I did my absolute best.

Happy New (Academic) Year!

Ugh! What. A. Day.

All was good apart from the 6th years cleverly decided that it would be nice to put cat food behind the radiators and smashed up boiled eggs around the school. It stunk. Funny how it's another milestone of getting older and beginning to start the next stage in to the world of work or university etc and they go and do something like that...

They got chucked out the school as soon as the head teacher found out. I was rather amused but I would prefer enjoy my last day and actually finish it properly. Call me weird but I would hate to leave school and not actually finish the full day. That would just be something that would never be able to be finished. Ever. That kind of thing is really annoying for me.

My first exam is on Friday. Don't worry, I'm not skiving off my work, this is a break. And a well deserved one at that. I have worked constantly this year. I'm just praying that it shows in the exams and pays off because I am a big worrier and one of those people that ends up like a headless chicken before the exams, frantically reciting quotes and checking formulae... PLEASE let me get good grades!!! I am desperate to be a Nursery teacher. I would be eternally grateful if I got in to that course at university.

I am now officially in to my final year at high school. I will make it good. The courses that I have chosen this year are awesome since I deliberately took the ones that were nasty this year. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the courses I took last year but, boy they are hard.

Right, break's over now. Over and out. ;)

Untitled

My dreams are coming true. Well, not 100% true but getting closer to becoming reality. I simply cannot believe how lucky I am. The feeling of guilt actually comes in to it - even though there is no reason why I should. Before I start this eruption of elation, I warn you, dear reader, that I may come across extremely melodramatic and pathetic. If you are in need of real life evidence of a possible fairytale, please read on. If not, click "next blog".

I am aware that not many first time couples work out but as I said, I am hoping that we are one of the "not many". Recently, I have thought of us married in years to come and have experienced dreams of us living together and having children - the usual fantasies of a starry eyed young women, right? However, I was afraid to mention my dreams and fantasies since this is the only romantic relationship he has had. I held back because I did not want to scare him off and so I kept my big mouth shut.

For my birthday, which was about two weeks ago, he gave me a necklace with two swans - he said that one being me and the other, him. He also handmade a card for me and wrote a beautiful, allegorical message inside. I was tearing up at how lucky I was, just not as much as Valentine's Day... I actually did cry then. Before I met him, I had never cried of happiness. I used to be skeptical at the thought of crying when you are happy. I would say, "Why is he/she crying? They are meant to be happy?!"
That has changed drastically.

Swans are known to have a "mate for life". I did not know this until I showed my parents and they exchanged looks of raised eyebrows with a impressive, antiphonal mix of "ooh"s and "wow"s and "aww"s. I question them for being so interested in it and so they told me. I was not going to presume that he knew that and that he meant it in that sense. The reason he had got me the swans was because he found us a "place" that was just for us. It is very romantic - it is a fallen tree trunk that we sit on with a branch arching gracefully over us; sheltering and hiding us. It looks out on to a river which flows peacefully through the town where he lives. This place has swans inhabiting it and they are always there when we are and from then swans have always been very symbolic to us.

Yesterday, we got in to a serious conversation about what may happen over the course of the next few years. We both want to go to the same university but since we cannot guarantee that we will, we talked about the consequences. This was my fear. I thought that if we get forced apart due to different universities, we might have to end the relationship if we are too far apart. Plus, the experience of being a single student is important. I suppose that's where you find out who you are as an individual and what you want in life as your own person. But hey, what do I know? Neither of us wants to be without each other. I cannot imagine myself without him, it's as plain and simple as that.

However, after he listed all the things that we should consider doing and to be sensible and realistic about the whole thing, he said, "that's not necessarily what I want." I ask what he does want and replies with,

 "If I had it my way we would be living together within 2 years. Thing is, you are the exact sort of person who I would want to marry. If I had the ability to plan the rest of my life right now and it exactly according to plan, then in 60 years, me and you are living in a sunny cottage by the sea."

That is what I am so elated about.

He wants the same thing as I do. It's almost to good to be true. Ha! How can I describe something like this as, "good"? It's nothing short of incredible. I could hardly cope with my emotions - after all I am young to be considering something like that. However, it has made me realise that we are both as serious about each other as the other.

My life has been idyllic ever since I met him and I just have that feeling that because it has been so beautiful, it may end as if I've had my fair share of happiness or if it does all go to plan then there may be tragedy involved in our lives together. Anyway, there is no point worrying about that. No one knows and only time will tell.


What I hope now is that we get in to the same university. I thank him eternally for everything he is and that I am blessed that I have the chance to have him in my life.

Well That Woke Me Up

For those who have read my previous post, "Isolation", will understand this post better. I love my bike. I ride it often and without a helmet. My parents were always getting on at me for not wearing one and I said, "yeah, I know but it's better without one." which is very stupid, I know. Since I am a rebellious teenager and don't do what my parents tell me... (no, I am rather obedient actually) my boyfriend told me to promise him that I would wear my helmet. I did and now wear my helmet every time I go out on my bike.

Ironically, the first time in years that I wore a helmet was when I experienced a bad fall. When I did not wear a helmet, I don't remember having any bad falls (I was knocked out so badly I can't remember them...no not really). I am fine now, obviously. I was hurtling around a tight corner and BAM, straight, head first, in to the banking in to a carpet of nettles and rocks. I felt okay at the time, I was just admiring my upper body being completely covered in huge clusters of nettle stings and scratches. I cycled on for another 2 miles or so and then returned home and went to bed as normal.

Next morning, totally different kettle of fish. My stings had gone down but my right arm was immobile... the one I write with. I could not move it. I tried straightening it and I fainted. Smashed my head on the kitchen tiles and bit my lip. After a couple of hours I was almost fine. I had terrible nausea due to the bump on my head. Great! More brain cells are gone before my exams. My mum said that I had to go to get an X-ray in case there was any damage. I did not want to since I didn't want the burden of a cast when exams are coming up. However, I agreed.

The nurse said that it was not broken but it's maybe fractured or a chipped bone (I'll never know since I never actually got an X-ray). What a relief. -sighs- I just have to keep it moving. Then she said that I should have a rest from all the biking I do... NOOO! Okay, okay maybe for a little while.

It could have been a lot worse if I didn't have my helmet on. I take so much more notice to people on bikes and whether they are wearing helmets or not. I feel like screaming at them, "GET YOUR HELMET ON!" I know my injuries were nothing compared to what can happen but it really did wake me up. I'm glad my new sunglasses were okay too, I had just got them.

Thanks mum, dad, Joseph and Evelyn.