Long time, no blog post

For those who do read my blog, I do apologize for my lack of posts! I live a busy, busy life now. I have now the opportunity to post an update, however.

I have finished my first semester of University. I love it. It is definitely the right course for me. The knowledge that I am lucky enough to have the chance to be a Primary School teacher is rather incredible. I think it's the best job anyone can ever do. I would contribute to all these children's lives. They may even remember me in years and years to come - hopefully for the right reasons! I get so much joy from teaching children of all ages. I had my placement a few weeks ago and the teacher I was working with definitely pushed me. I am glad of that. I got as much as I could from the week. It was only a week but when I look back the amount of things that I learnt and the experiences seem like it went on for much longer. I worked in the nursery for the majority of the time. That was wonderful. It was immensely interesting to get to know the children and how they learn. I could write for years about my experience in the nursery but I want focus on one particular experience I had.

One of the days, I had the opportunity to go on a school trip with the Primary 4 children (aged 8/9 years old) to the museum which was one of the highlights of my week. I was given the responsibility of 6 children. I had only met them briefly the day before so I had to learn their names and learn them FAST. I was constantly doing a head-count: "1..2..3..4..5..6, 1..2..3..4..5..6" all day. Most of the children were from different countries so I found remembering their names a challenge. However, I managed it. One of the most magical things about the trip was that I helped a boy with his writing. He had very low self-efficacy due to his mother telling him that he was, "a bad writer" and that he was "worse that his little sister in Primary 2". This is not what a parent should tell their children. This has a profound affect on the child's confidence and their learning in all areas of the curriculum. It can affect them their whole life. One of the activities at the museum was that the children got to be archaeologists - a very exciting thought for the children. They were presented with genuine museum artefacts that they could pick up, touch and even wear! Each group were given a large sheet of paper with coloured pens to write what they saw, what they thought and what they wondered about the artefacts. This was excellent to witness as it related to idea of Bloom's Taxonomy questions which allows children to discover different ways of thinking. 

Due to the fact that this activity involved writing, the boy who was fantastically excited about being in the museum had sunk down in his seat and looked down at the floor. "K?(which I shall call him) Are you alright?" I asked him quietly. "No. I hate writing." he said sadly. I asked him why and he explained what his mother told him. I showed him my sympathy but I did not say anything more about his mother as it would be unprofessional to do so. He said, "I am the worst writer in the world." I told him that the more you write, the better you get at it. He looked up at me with a pained expression. I told him that there were children in the world who could not even hold a pencil properly or know how to write at all. I then asked him about an artefact on the table. He replied with an excellent answer. "What a fantastic idea K!" I then asked him quietly, "Why don't you write it down, show me." He took the pen and wrote his idea down. His writing was not bad in the slightest. There was not much difference from his peers in the class. I told him, "What beautiful writing, K! You are a great writer." I smiled at him brightly. He looked at me with his face brightening up with a smile of his own. "Really?" he asked. "Of course!" This led him to become more confident as the activity progressed. He was happily taking part in the activity and his ideas about the artefacts were astounding. I was genuinely impressed with the ideas that the children had. As the day went on, I had built up a strong enough student-teacher rapport which had allowed my group to have a better, more effective learning experience. By the end of the activity K was saying, "I LOVE WRITING!" and he got increasingly confident with his ideas. When the activity had run out of time, he said, "aaaawwww but but but I have so many ideas to write down!" I looked at him proudly and said that they are all in his clever brain and that he could tell the museum helper when she asks questions. The children were so eager to answer the lady's questions and looked at my face for approval/a reaction. I was so proud of my group. It was a wonderful experience and I feel so incredibly lucky to have been able to go on the trip and meet the children and their teacher. 

Being a Primary school teacher really is the most rewarding, heart-warming and exciting job there is. Recently, there has been the Sandy Hook shootings in America. I am utterly devastated. My heart sunk painfully when I read the articles. I can't explain how angry and frustrated I am about it. My heart goes out to all the families of the children who were lost and to the teachers who tried everything they could to prevent the children being taken. Some of those teachers' lives were taken to protect their classes. I know that this is what I would have done. Without a doubt.

A New Chapter Has Begun...

The morning of Exam Results day was very tense. I waited and waited and waited for the sheet of paper that would determine my whole future.

The results were more than what I had hoped for. It was seriously the best day of my life to date. I needed one B in any of my courses and I got AABB! I was elated. What's more, my boyfriend had originally not got in to the same university as me but after their reconsideration, they let him in! We are going to live together in the same city, the same flat and go to the same university. My dreams have come true. After all that worrying, all that energy that I exerted - it's all perfect. Perfect.

As the work continues in the flat, I get more and more excited about this chapter of my life which has begun! Recently, I have made extra effort to organise social events for my current friends as well as for my new ones. My best friend is leaving for Peru for a year this Sunday and I am so excited for her. It will be an incredible experience and a once in a lifetime opportunity that will change her to make in to a more inspirational and admirable person than she already is.

I went to a pub and a club for the first time with my best friend and it really got me in to the "city life" that I will be about to embark on. Being a "country girl" since the day I was born, I'm used to all this nightlife and...streetlights at night! (They are so useful!) I don't have them at home. I will miss my home but I'm not very far away, so it won't be a problem to come home and visit.

For ages, I thought. If I got that B, then EVERYTHING would be perfect, so perfect that it was too perfect. If I didn't get that B, so much would be lost, so much would change and I wouldn't be happy. It was literally all or nothing. You can imagine the relief I experienced! And now I have it all and I am in ecstasy with life and love and happiness.

Paint in my hair.

Well, what d'ya know, I'm painting my very own flat. The living room is finished, the kitchen is almost finished, the bathroom and hall are a working progress. The bedrooms will come after that. My mother, my boyfriend and myself have been painting as much as we can and what I have concluded is that ceilings are very hard, especially high ones. It is enjoyable and the prospect of it being the place that I am potentially going to live is a huge motivation for me. Not to mention that I'll have the chance to live with my other half. I am incredibly lucky to have a flat in a wonderful city. I was so surprised that it was my parents' plans to do it!

I remember months in to my boyfriend's and my relationship together he said, "if I had it my way, we'd be living together in 2 years." Here we are. 2 years along the line, we've got a flat together. Our exam results will arrive on the 7th August - I don't think I will be able to physically open them. I might have to ask him to do it for me. I will be panicking more than I ever have in my life because it effects him too. If I don't get in to the university which is in the city of our flat, then I'll be moving to another city. This means he won't have anywhere to live! Part of me doesn't want to know for a long time but another part of me wants to know NOW! I try to stay positive about the other option of my future; a new city, new experience, lots of new people! I know it could be brilliant but it would mean that I couldn't live with my boyfriend, it would mean I would hardly ever see him, I have only been to the city twice and I would get lost so much because my sense of direction is appalling. Anyway, I'm going to stop ranting about this now because there is no point and those of you reading this will have, by now, got the gist of my worries.

This is a total change of subject but I've been thinking. All those celebrities/well-off people who spend lots of money on unnecessary things...why? Because they can. Yes, I get that but recently I've become frustrated that they haven't given away their "extra" cash to people in need. I know some do, I'm not disputing that. If I were to become famous or very well-off for some reason (and I hope not) then I would live how I live now; I am not materialistic in the slightest. Any money that I make that is just "extra" after my normal bills would go to people in need, I would make a conscious effort that that would happen. I just don't know why everyone doesn't do that. My sister watches a lot of T.V. programmes about Katie Price or Peter Andre (they are the only ones I remember) and I can't understand how she can watch them. Their luxurious mansions, cars and whatnot are just... well, unnecessary. However, I do know that many celebrities/wealthy people do contribute largely to people and animals in need, I just wish it was done more and by more people who could afford to. Peter Singer, a utilitarian said that all the extremely well-off people in the First World should give away 10% of their annual income to the Third World. I absolutely agree. I would hate to be a famous person/celebrity/well-off but I wish I was wealthy enough so that I could give a lot to those in need.

On 3: 1...2...

I am on the verge of a new beginning. So much is unknown and the unknown is so close but it might as well be a million years away. The anticipation has struck the birth of a new sense of self. Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? I'll do good, I know that. Everyone at this point of my life is thinking the same, everyone I've spoken to about it has said the same thing. We've not long left high school and about to start and "adult life" - just what is that? Not long after my 18th birthday, I have been more involved in finances, insurances and organising a new home of my own. It just seemed to just suddenly all happen as soon as I turned 18 last month!

It's that feeling of not always having your parents there to help you out. I have to do more things myself now and I like that idea. Right now, I have this mind set of starting a running race and the starting gun is about to go off any second but said second is a v-e-r-y  l-o-n-g one. I'm just about to start running but it's that feeling of huge tension before you start. I have to do my exams first and that is what is making this "second" so slow. My first exam is on Monday and it's maths - which I love. I have been doing lots of studying for it. I really hope it will go alright.

At this point for everyone my age, it is strange. No one really knows what they are doing in the next few months. Sitting here, in my kitchen, typing this, I think that I'll be alright and that I will cope with the new setting (going from a isolated farm bothy to an industrialised city) and the new people and the new home will be exciting but it will take a bit of getting used to, as it always is. As I have never moved house before, it will be difficult for me to leave my home as that is the only thing I have known. The situation of moving away from my family will be hard, too. I have a brilliant relationship with my family and I will miss them; probably more than I will realise.

Many people say that everyone changes so much between this time and when they are in their first year of university. I believe that I will become more confident, more aware of the world and more independent but I don't think that I will change myself. Who knows? Then again, I think back through my high school years. First year - I didn't know anyone and was the daily laughing stalk. From then, I turned in to the famously named "goth/emo/metal-head" type category. I did not have trouble with self harm but I did suffer from a body image disorder for a couple of years.

By the start for 3rd year, there was one day I woke up with my eyes as black as a panda's with my make up from the day before still on my face and walked over to the mirror and stared. I said, "what am I doing? This isn't me." and from then, I gradually got more and more colourful, my music taste broadened and now I love all music genres. For example, right now, I am listening to Beyonce and before that I was listening to My Chemical Romance. Now, it is Two Door Cinema Club. That's just 3 songs in my ever expanding iTunes library with every genre under then sun. From 3rd year, I didn't give myself much time to create myself in to anyone in particular. By the middle of 4th year, my body image disorder had dwindled away slowly but surely. I focussed on school and did not have much of a social life. It was only after my standard grade exams did I venture outside my house to see fellow human beings of a similar age. From going to my first party after exams, I met a boy who is now my current boyfriend who I have numerously mentioned so I do hope I've not irritated people with that.

Since that party, my life has become more and more beautiful. I didn't cope with 5th year at school very well and got myself far too wound up and stressed. I feel genuinely sorry to anyone who had to put up with my stress-related rants (there were many). I did not do that badly in my 5th year exams but not as well as I deserved - I dedicated my whole life to getting the best grades I could possibly get and only 1 or 2 of my results out of 5 had demonstrated that. However, other aspects of my life were lovely and this kept me from breaking down. So I am ever thankful for that.

The last year of school was very busy. It was a non-stop buzz of work, volunteering, applying, organising and the increasing need to see my boyfriend more and more as our feelings deepened for each other. I really enjoyed my last year of school - It was my favourite. It was light-hearted and exciting, it kept me busy which is what I like but it was not too busy so I didn't get stressed. I have passed every NAB during 5th and 6th year which I think is a good achievement. On the last day of school ever, there was the annual carry-on but I didn't take part in any of the shenanigans, I observed. I just got my blazer completely graffiti-ed with signatures for various teachers and as many of my class mates as possible. At the time, you don't appreciate your time at school but I remember thinking on my last day, "Yeah, that was good, wasn't it!" and going home smiling the whole way, reminiscing all my experiences and everything that I have gained.

There has been a lot of change throughout my school life but I have never changed my personality, just different aspects have been enhanced and I have felt more comfortable to show my emotions and to be more confident in myself. So maybe I will radically change in the next year - everything around me will, so maybe I will too.

So here I am, finished school, unemployed and completely and utterly clueless about this "adult-life" that I about to live.

Any tips?

Excitement

There has been so much going on recently and I do enjoy the constant flow of new experiences and the anticipation of what's to come. It's not all been lovely and flowery, there has been a lot of anxiousness and stress as well as a lot of happiness and love.

My mother has recently been awarded her PhD and because for years and years she has been up on her feet; working full time, having my sister and me to drive us everywhere, house work and her PhD. It has been an ongoing strain on her mental and physical state. It had started to take it's toll and she had to get an operation. As none of our close family members had never undergone and general anesthetic, we were all on edge for a while. My mother is not an optimistic person and she was not confident about it. She'd make jokes about not surviving the operation and I could tell that she had truly thought that that would happen to her. She said, "things like that never seem to go right for me" and it scared the hell out of me. I kept my positiveness and reassured her about it. The day of the operation was as painful as ever. When I saw her after the operation, I have never been so relieved in my life. It wasn't a good experience for any of us to go through but now she is better off and we all appreciate her more even though we thought we did a lot already. We are all so glad that the operation went so well and so is she!

It's that time of year again for exams. I am feeling much better about everything this year. Last year was ridiculous and I didn't cope well at all. Hopefully everything will turn out alright - I am positive which is good and people have been shocked about how much better I am handling it. Exams effect me so much. I still am very stressed about them and I broke my retainer braces due to me clenching my teeth in my sleep and strange dreams to do with exams and not being able to get to sleep because I'm trying to think through everything but it's not every night so I'm glad about that! I have 4 exams this year and my first is on the 21st of this month. I have been working hard for all my subjects so I hope the exams will go well. I'll be glad when they are all over and then I can enjoy a long summer holiday in which I plan to get a job, pass my driving test and have parties.

Today has been very exciting. We have been looking for flats for a few months now and we had a flat that we had offered for but we didn't get it. We were all disappointed but it obviously wasn't for us. I had then thought; by the looks of the way the market is; less and less flats available and the ones that are on the market are way outwith our budget, we haven't got much chance of getting a flat this year. I was beginning to look in to alternatives when my mother had received a phone call asking if we were still interested in a flat that had been taken off the market briefly and so we said yes and went to view it. Basically, long story short, we have the flat! This means that my boyfriend and me have officially got our first flat together. It's in a marvelous location, good sized rooms and a lovely well-kept garden. We are so excited!

 I can't wait!

Nearing the End of this Chapter.

I remember my last day of Primary School. The Headteacher personally gave us a £5 book voucher for Borders. It said "good luck for the next chapter of your life!" and a smiley face. Here I am now, just about to finish that chapter of high school. Soon I will be lucky enough to start the next chapter. The 7 years of primary school seemed to pass instantly and high school is so much more intensive and that I have been there for ages. Weeks, however, go passed at a scarily fast rate. It's a constant buzz of work, socialising and fitting in every possible other activity in our ability. I'm proud to say that I have nearly completed the maximum of schooling I can possibly do. And I really do enjoy it.

I am looking forward to the change of scene. I have lived in the same place in the countryside since the day I arrived on this planet. Going to university and living in a city will definitely be very different and being able to walk out the front door and go down to the shops when you've remembered that you need a new pack of pens (black, of course) then you can do just that. Getting something like a new pack of pens where I live is such a faff and a half. I would have to wait until my mother returned home from work - which is always late -  let her breathe when she comes in the door and announce that I need a pack of pens which might not be able to be in my hands until the weekend which is when the weekly shop happeneds. I know this is a very trivial thing and it's hardly worth complaining about but just to put it in to perspective that the simplest of things need to be organised in advance and repeatedly. Living in the city will be brilliant for me as I do like a bit of hustle and bustle.

One thing is that I will miss home a lot. My family, my neighbours, the clear, fresh air and the wide open spaces of endless hectares of land and crops to run about in... ride my bike with no hands and sing at the top of my lungs whilst walking the dogs without shame. Although, there was this one time where I made a group of farm workers extremely amused. Better than frowning! It was embarrassing, very embarrassing. So, I will do my best to visit home often. It's a strange thought. I don't know where I will be living. I now have 3 offers for University which is very surprising to say the least. I was absolutely not expecting any offers from anywhere. They are all conditionals and all the same condition of a B at any one of my Highers.

In Easter, I am possibly going skiing with my boyfriend and his family which I really hope goes ahead. I have always wanted to go skiing and to spend the week with my boyfriend and his family would be brilliant. I love his family. I am so lucky that I feel really guilty! Genuinely. I say to myself, "this is really happening to me?", "why is this happening to me? I mean, I know I have never done anything particularly bad apart from the time I bit my little sister on the leg when I was aged 2 and out of jealousy of something but how have I managed to be living such an amazing life?". I am and will be forever grateful for my life up till now even if from now on it seriously goes down hill because I would die happy now if that happened to be the case.


Babble babble babble... I apologize. 
Over and out.

Happy

There has been so much going on recently! In my Prelims the officialised marks were Maths - B, French - A, History - B and Religion, Morality and Philosophical Studies - A*. I am very pleased. Plus, I did my violin exam and I got a Merit which I was not expecting at all. Last Friday I felt the happiest I have ever been in my life. I had done well in my exams and I had the anticipation of seeing my boyfriend that night after dance class. It was perfect. This was followed by a blissful weekend at my boyfriend's and then we went to my Gran's for her 77th Birthday and it was the first time my boyfriend had met my Grandparents. It was lovely! I went home and did some school work and went to bed with a smile on my face.

However, this year, they have decided to take away appeals for exams which means that my grades that I have from my Prelims don't actually mean anything. Still, I am very happy and I feel rewarded that I did well. Then, when I thought nothing could get any better, on Monday evening, I opened my email to say that my University application tracking system had changed. I signed in and low and behold, I have an offer. I have conditional offer for Primary Education! To one of the world's leading Universities! I could hardly believe it. I had to ask my sister to tell me I was definitely seeing what I was seeing. I phoned my mother in tears and then told my boyfriend about it and he said that he was "so proud" of me! Uh! I am so happy at the moment! Not many other people know and I don't plan on telling anyone unless they ask as I know how unsettling it is to not have any offers and not knowing where they will be in a few months so I am keeping it on the down low. My condition is that I have to obtain 1 Grade B at any of my current Highers and I am feeling positive from my Prelim results.

My boyfriend and I are going to wait until we have all out replies from the Universities that we have applied to and then weigh our options on where, as individuals, would most like to go and then, if we have to, compromise. Our hope is that we go to the same University and live together.

Yay!

As of today, I have finished my prelims for the year! The last ever high school prelims! I am very glad about that due to the fact that I hate prelims. Ce qui m'enerve is that they don't even count prelims as an appeal any more so if you do badly on the day of the exam and fail, but get, say, an A in the prelim, it doesn't matter, you'll still fail. How annoying is that?! "Very" is the answer you're looking for. So that's them done and they went a lot better than last year so hopefully my results will be pleasing because I worked hard.

I had my interview yesterday at university and it was nerve-racking. I was the last interview of the day so I saw people going in, waiting, excited and nervous chatter, silence as they walked out and another was called in. I could only keep my adrenaline going for so long so there was a point where I started to really look forward to it. Eventually, it came to my turn and I walked in where a man and a woman were sat motionless and expressionless. I was as cheery as possible, smiled and tried not to get tongue tied. It went well. Although, the more I think about it, the more things I wish I had time to say but each person was allocated only 15 minutes. I made a portfolio which was a lot of work and time to put together. It included all my work experience, research, essays, assignments and references from the teachers I was working with and my guidance teacher. However, I was not able to show it to them which was frustrating but hopefully I'll have another chance to show my portfolio in another interview.

I didn't realise before hand but I was told that 2,000 people had applied for the Primary Education course and only 600 people where chosen for the interview. I was one of the 600 people! I feel so happy and so lucky to be chosen because that university has a very good reputation for Primary Education. I have no idea how my interview went in comparison to anyone else's because I wasn't with them obviously so I just have to wait. Again. I am concerned that I will have nowhere to go. If that is the case then I will get a job and go to college, maybe do some volunteering, something good for the soul. I'll figure it out.

I had a great time and I traveled with my boyfriend as he had an interview and the same place and the same time for Computing Science. He really enjoyed his day and got an unconditional which is fantastic news. I am so so happy for him. He deserves it. He has a place at university, a place no matter what. Now that he has that security I have noticed a more relaxed him. I knew that not knowing the verdict from any of the universities that he has applied to, was bothering him even though he was not showing it but I could tell. It was like he was holding his breath for so long and now he's let go of a huge sigh of anticipation and I am thrilled for him.

I have not heard back from any of the universities yet and so I am still on edge but I just have to wait and now that my prelims are over I now feel much more relaxed. The interview could have gone a lot worse and I didn't mess up. I told them as much as I could and told them of my experience and why I would be good as a teacher and why they should choose me. There are so many things that I wish I said and could have said differently. However, it's done now and there's no point in doing that.

It was a great experience and even from that I feel more confident and I made a few really lovely friends whilst I was there and I hope they get in to Primary Education too.

A New Year has begun!

Before you know it, it is 2012! The beginning of the new year for me was uneventful but productive and exciting. I visited my grandparents with my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins on New Year's Day and it was lovely to see my family as I don't get to see them much. There are so many of us in such a small room but that makes it all the better. The next day, I began to study properly for my prelims. I have a totally different mindset towards study this year in comparison to last year. Last year was hellish. I was stressed out my mind and overloading myself that it became completely counter-productive. This miraculous change of mind is all thanks to my boyfriend. I think I'd be the same if I was not with him. 

Since I've been with my boyfriend, I have spent all my free time with him and I confess that I have not spent time with my other friends as much. The fact that we are all soon to be going our different ways, makes me feel even more guilty. Since we are on holiday, I took the chance to spend time with them and we all had a lovely time and I really appreciate who they all are as people as I have become much more aware of that recently. I am very lucky. 

We were then greeted by a 4-day power cut which made me realise how much time I spend on electrical appliances - especially the computer. The days were longer and much more productive with my revision and I got a lot done around the house managed to maintain my tidiness in my bedroom a lot better than I usually do. I really enjoyed the time with no power but the fact that the days get so dark so early at this time of year, I had to strain my eyes with the flickering oil lamps and candles doing maths revision. At night, it was darker inside than it was outside and I could lie on the living room floor upstairs and look at the starry skies - it was so peaceful and silent. 

The final day, I went to the dentist and went shopping to buy a gift for a friend and arrived home to find the power had come on and an envelop on the door mat... it was from a university, my first reply. I seriously thought it was a letter of rejection because as time has gone on from sending my application, I have thought more and more that I just would simply not get a place... anywhere. However, when I opened the envelope and read it, I discovered that I have been invited for an interview! Oh my goodness! An interview! I am very excited. Coincidentally, my boyfriend has an interview for the same university, on the same day and for the same time! We've decided to travel there together. What am I going to wear?!

This year is going to be mental. It's going to whiz past - just like last year. There is going to be a lot of change and I can't wait for the new experiences and the lessons I learn, the mistakes that I make. By September, I could be living somewhere completely different. If we go to the same university, my boyfriend and I have decided to live with each other. Now, that is exciting and my idea of bliss.