I am on the verge of a new beginning. So much is unknown and the unknown is so close but it might as well be a million years away. The anticipation has struck the birth of a new sense of self. Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? I'll do good, I know that. Everyone at this point of my life is thinking the same, everyone I've spoken to about it has said the same thing. We've not long left high school and about to start and "adult life" - just what is that? Not long after my 18th birthday, I have been more involved in finances, insurances and organising a new home of my own. It just seemed to just suddenly all happen as soon as I turned 18 last month!
It's that feeling of not always having your parents there to help you out. I have to do more things myself now and I like that idea. Right now, I have this mind set of starting a running race and the starting gun is about to go off any second but said second is a v-e-r-y l-o-n-g one. I'm just about to start running but it's that feeling of huge tension before you start. I have to do my exams first and that is what is making this "second" so slow. My first exam is on Monday and it's maths - which I love. I have been doing lots of studying for it. I really hope it will go alright.
At this point for everyone my age, it is strange. No one really knows what they are doing in the next few months. Sitting here, in my kitchen, typing this, I think that I'll be alright and that I will cope with the new setting (going from a isolated farm bothy to an industrialised city) and the new people and the new home will be exciting but it will take a bit of getting used to, as it always is. As I have never moved house before, it will be difficult for me to leave my home as that is the only thing I have known. The situation of moving away from my family will be hard, too. I have a brilliant relationship with my family and I will miss them; probably more than I will realise.
Many people say that everyone changes so much between this time and when they are in their first year of university. I believe that I will become more confident, more aware of the world and more independent but I don't think that I will change myself. Who knows? Then again, I think back through my high school years. First year - I didn't know anyone and was the daily laughing stalk. From then, I turned in to the famously named "goth/emo/metal-head" type category. I did not have trouble with self harm but I did suffer from a body image disorder for a couple of years.
By the start for 3rd year, there was one day I woke up with my eyes as black as a panda's with my make up from the day before still on my face and walked over to the mirror and stared. I said, "what am I doing? This isn't me." and from then, I gradually got more and more colourful, my music taste broadened and now I love all music genres. For example, right now, I am listening to Beyonce and before that I was listening to My Chemical Romance. Now, it is Two Door Cinema Club. That's just 3 songs in my ever expanding iTunes library with every genre under then sun. From 3rd year, I didn't give myself much time to create myself in to anyone in particular. By the middle of 4th year, my body image disorder had dwindled away slowly but surely. I focussed on school and did not have much of a social life. It was only after my standard grade exams did I venture outside my house to see fellow human beings of a similar age. From going to my first party after exams, I met a boy who is now my current boyfriend who I have numerously mentioned so I do hope I've not irritated people with that.
Since that party, my life has become more and more beautiful. I didn't cope with 5th year at school very well and got myself far too wound up and stressed. I feel genuinely sorry to anyone who had to put up with my stress-related rants (there were many). I did not do that badly in my 5th year exams but not as well as I deserved - I dedicated my whole life to getting the best grades I could possibly get and only 1 or 2 of my results out of 5 had demonstrated that. However, other aspects of my life were lovely and this kept me from breaking down. So I am ever thankful for that.
The last year of school was very busy. It was a non-stop buzz of work, volunteering, applying, organising and the increasing need to see my boyfriend more and more as our feelings deepened for each other. I really enjoyed my last year of school - It was my favourite. It was light-hearted and exciting, it kept me busy which is what I like but it was not too busy so I didn't get stressed. I have passed every NAB during 5th and 6th year which I think is a good achievement. On the last day of school ever, there was the annual carry-on but I didn't take part in any of the shenanigans, I observed. I just got my blazer completely graffiti-ed with signatures for various teachers and as many of my class mates as possible. At the time, you don't appreciate your time at school but I remember thinking on my last day, "Yeah, that was good, wasn't it!" and going home smiling the whole way, reminiscing all my experiences and everything that I have gained.
There has been a lot of change throughout my school life but I have never changed my personality, just different aspects have been enhanced and I have felt more comfortable to show my emotions and to be more confident in myself. So maybe I will radically change in the next year - everything around me will, so maybe I will too.
So here I am, finished school, unemployed and completely and utterly clueless about this "adult-life" that I about to live.
Any tips?
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