Yesterday was the day I got my exam results. I was working the whole day so I didn't get them until about 6:30pm. I could not think straight the whole day, it was riddled with paranoia. The anticipation for my results and equally, my boyfriend's results had dominated my brain. I know I tried my best and I know I deserved good grades but it didn't turn out as well as I'd have liked it to. I am very disappointed. When I think about how much time I spent trying to do well and how hard I worked, it doesn't reflect on the results. The bad news first; I got a D for Higher Maths and I am absolutely re-sitting it. I don't care that it will be the two sittings scenario, I just want Higher Maths at a grade B. I got a C for Higher History. I hate that grade; a C. I have to say that the people who I've talked to about it also got Cs and though I am trying not to compare with people, I do. I'm not trying to being boastful (I am actually very ashamed) but I was one of the top of the class for History and so were the other people who got Cs. I think part of the problem was that we had a disgraceful teacher. She was, to be blunt; crap. However, I can't load the blame on to her, I don't doubt that there are things I should have done differently when I was studying for it.
Now for the better news, I got a B for Higher Music which I am okay with but slightly disappointed since that was a course that I and a lot of other friends and family thought I'd get an A in but I am just being a bit of a whine. I am okay with it. For Higher Biology, I got a B which I am very pleased with since I genuinely thought that I had bombed out in the exam. I wasn't confident about it at all. For Higher English, I got an A which I am very happy about. It was hard to take it in as I looked and the fickle - although quite fancy- piece of paper that had the important letters of the alphabet on it.
Yes, it is an array of grades but it's just how it is. I was very upset yesterday. I got home absolutely soaked after the torrential rain there was yesterday and unfortunately my coat is definitely not "waterproof". I got in to my cuddly dressing gown and crawled in to bed, shaking like a mouse just about to be eaten by a cat. I slowly opened the envelope and I covered the results page with another so I'd reveal one grade and a time. I was panicking and shaking. I moved the page pathetically slowly and I was reading everything out again and again but not actually taking it in. It was nice to see the As and Bs and I was thinking that it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating until I got further down the page to see that C and D dragging it way, way down to the depths of self pity.
It's taken me a while but it's sunk in now and I have to bear with it. I have one more year to get what I need. I'm doing Higher Maths again and I am doing Higher French, Higher Art and Design, Higher Religion and Philosophy and hopefully an Open University course. However, I may have to drop one to fit maths back in. Plus, I am going to look in to appealing for my Music grade and my History grade as I think that there is a chance that I can 'up' my grades.
I am also ecstatic that my boyfriend, Joseph, did so well. I am so, so proud of him and I ran up to his house in my lunch break to give him a huge bear hug. He took four Highers and got an amazing: AAAB. He deserves those grades...well, if I had it my way, I'd say that he deserves more. My best friend also did excellently by getting: AAAAB. I have very clever friends and I have to say, it is hard to keep up with them all. I am very proud of everyone and sitting Highers is an achievement in itself. Well done everyone!
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