Isolation

My life - so far - has been pretty shiftless. I have lived in the same place all my life and it is very remote. It has kept me in a childlike perception of the world. I can quite happily sing at the top of my voice whilst walking the dogs and let me assure you, I have. Plenty times. I love where I live because of the freedoms that it brings. There are not many people and the people who do inhabit here, are often away or never really emerge from their houses.

This place has put a false sense of safety on me. I ride my bike very often with my iPod blazing in my ears, no helmet, hands not on the handle bars, singing (again) at the top of my lungs, swerving about the narrow roads. In more recent years, I've had the pleasantry of turning around to see motorists with the unmistakable look of "unimpressed" lining their faces and raised eyebrows that would give many botox users a run for their money. I stop in mid-belt of singing and crash in to the grass banking. They pass looking down on me like I had just peed on their new white carpet and the red powder of embarrassment sprinkles over my face. I play it cool until they are a good 1000 yards and sharp corners in front before I let loose again.

There are also social issues. I find it absolutely fine meeting new people, I have the confidence but actually conversing with them is quite something else. I stumble over my words rather impressively. Even with people I know quite well, it can be an issue. I don't know if I can blame it on where I live, probably not. Reading something aloud in class is an awkward and frustrating time for everyone. A lot of the time when I was younger was low self-esteem and a great lack in confidence. I have improved so much since then but the trouble with talking and reading out loud is still lingering like a very bad smell.

My parents are extremely protective. I have a hard job getting to do anything very slightly out of the ordinary. Even though I get away with cycling they way I do...

My life in this idyllic place is nearly over. I will be fleeing from the nest pretty soon. I am aware of the the dangers of this world but never had a chance to put myself to the challenge.

I strongly appreciate the rose-tinted life that this place has given me and it has prolonged my naivety and innocence which I cherish but it's disappearing fast. The cynicism has already set in for preparation of adulthood but I will always return to this place for a dose of heaven.